Happiness

Haiz finally everything ends. Paid $500 to the stupid doc for nothing. Well for those who noe what happened, the director decision is that I pay $1050 or spilt with my manager and senior. So eventually I paid $500. If I dun pay, I have to pay back $320 of unpaid leave and most probably get terminated. Coz I already taken all 14days leave for this year. And I forgo my year end 13th mth. Now that I paid $500, i dun have a bad record for being terminated, and at least the 13th mth can cover this cost. So I chose to pay the $. Thinking that everything is finally over, want go out relax but need save $. Haiz. But at least felt relieved. He said he would support me in whatever I do. When I told him the pros and cons and my decision, he said 'as i wish bah.' he says just pay them e leave i took and go. As i WISH? He thinks i enjoy it? Haiz. Why dun he understand? When I bothered to explain to him. I thought he would give me some comfort. Instead, now I'm feeling more upset coz of him. Tears roll coz of him not of this issue. Why??? I noe our relationship have changed... It was a fast transition from friends to couple, then from honeymoon to being understanding and such.. Coz now its a long distance relationship.. I din see the change as something bad.. It makes us have a stronger bond. But all I want is just happiness. Why issit so difficult? Why issit so difficult to be a happy and carefree person? Job prob and $ issue ok cant help it.. But still manageable.. Friends and family dun give probs.. And bf shouldnt I thought? And furthermore he is someone I want to be with for the rest of my life.. But... Time and again I really feel I should reconsider continueing this relationship. Haiz~ 2 days ago he also threw a small tantrum. When he was suppose to comfort me. Why. I noe he is not that immature. Stubborn? I noe I am stubborn too. He is rash at times too. Haiz. I just hope our relationship is one that we can go through thick and thin together. Not just giving up coz of small obstacles and such. But this wun work. The way we are now. Or the way he is now? Maybe we just think both of us cant match each other? I duno... He never toks much to me about us.. Till then.........