Confused, upset, lost...

Argh~~~~~~!!! I miss him so much yet I dun wana tok to him. What's there to tok about? I'm so lost :'( It's the first time I feel I have to give in so much for someone. When I just felt it, I felt weird. Abit reluctant. Slowly I got used to it. And understand that's part of loving someone. But there's still things I detest so much. Like he toking to me on msn and playing games at the same time. I never really got angry with him for doing that thou. But I really feel so neglected does he noe. He work hard, play hard, rest hard. Me? Where's the time he used to give me? I really feel like crying when I think about this. He cant sms often cant call often. And now even toking to me on msn is so tiring for him. All I want is to share things with him and hopes to listen to what he has to share too. So what if he goes out play and will also buy the things that he come across and feels that I will like? It's not all that I need. I appreciate it. But does he know I need him to share things with me or at least give me some time to share things with him. I always do so when he was in sg. Now? Isnt this so unfair to me? He might think I can just share my stuffs with other frenz or whatsoever. But have he ever asked how I feel? Why do I always have to say how I feel. Why dun he ever asked? Does he really noe? And why dun he want to ans me when I asked how he feels? I asked coz I care. Coz I need to know to understand him better.

Haiz. When it always come to this point, I feel so lost........ And just wana do something to myself.. (like getting knocked out and such..) To release my emotions and trash it out with whatever it is. I did not smsed him today thou he did sms n ask am i angry. I just dun wana tok to him. Zzzzz. But I'm so scared, that one day he would just pop e Qn. Maybe he's so tired of us being like dat? I always give in coz I'm scared that he would just give me up. I'm scared that he would feel so stressed and just give up. Thou I am so mad so upset at him I would still give in eventually. For e sake of not losing him... Brain... Heart... Feelings.. Tell me what to do pls. I'm such a weakling. :'(