Alrite finally got a new job. Only got abit of pay increment thou. But long way to go~ *cheers for myself*

Dun irritate me I bite! >.< Well sort of mystery solved. I duno should I say its good or bad now. If my thoughts just wonder on it own, its so scary. But maybe its good also. Least I see and feel myself better. Haiz since I cant go anything either other than wait, I might as well give it some thought too. Right now... Feel so surprised and really taken aback bah. If he needs some time alone can just tell me. Not juz leave me alone trying all my crazy ways to get him, let my thinking turn wild, let me cry and be so upset. Maybe he never noe how much he meant to me bah. How lost I get when I cant get him. I start to worry abt his safety then start to lose faith... Its so scary. It really caught me this time. Everytime.. He would pamper me protect me give me comfort.. This time... He not just left me to fend for myself.. He made me go so crazy trying to get him and noe wats happening.. I really... Duno why he did dat.. Why he had to hurt me this way.. To test my reaction? Today he finally smsed me and said that he just need some time alone no need to worry. That doesnt want to be contactable doesnt mean breaking up. And 2days observation tells him that i have very low confidence on him.

Haiz.. I've always want to learn to be a better person.. Never felt so stress before.. That I cant meet up to expectation... This time round... I felt it... As much as I want to be with him... I feel so lost... Waiting to hear what he would say to me... With that little time spent before he left for tw.. I cant reach dat level of understanding n such that he expects.. Its not that I am not willing to learn.. I need time... Alot... With him nt with me now... And I really hope he would understand dat.. Maintaining a relationship... I would be more than happy to be able to maintain this relationship till he comes back.... But not with all this expectations from him... I had been selfish before.. Coz I wanted his attention so much.. Now.... He hopes I would understand that he is going thru tough times in tw.. I understand that and I hope he can understand I need him still.. I dun blame him for things he said coz of work stress.. But I am only human.. I need to express my emotions... Haiz.. I duno what will it be after this period... I feel so lost... Lost the determination of holding on.. Just lost..

One month.. And he'll be coming back for 2wks home leave.. Duno how would tings be then.. Was looking forward to it... Having each other by our side.. How I miss it.. That touch... :'( I happen to start my new job when he comes back.. I plan to pick him up at the airport and give him a surprise.. He wanted to give me one.. Wanted to keep it from me when he's coming back.. I wanted to noe what is his surprise for me... As much as I want to give him a surprise too.. Haiz.. See how bah...

I just miss him. Just wish he is standing right in front of me now. I'll just hug him and never let go. >.<