Today...
17 June 2006
Today was a busy day. Went to work till 1pm as usual, had some shopping on the way to mrt home. Got myself a 3/4 sleeves top. Love it~ =) Reached home at 4pm, rot around.. Started only at 6pm. I planned to clean up my room and my darling cages. Finally at 8pm I got my room done. Sat down enjoy dinner and some cartoons, =) 10pm started cleaning darling cages. Finished everything at 1am. So here i am. Bro say wana take me to the beach. I was happy to hear dat. So sweet of him. Coz I told him I wana go to e beach e other time. End up, he came to my house at 12+ with my sis and bf. And say they heading for ecp soon. To watch world cup. ~~~~~~ Previously I thought that's so kind and sweet of him to bring me there. =( They go watch world cup what for I go. I wana go to the beach. I dun watch world cup. There's no one to tok to me. I dun feel like going anymore. And I was still cleaning my darling cages when they wanted to leave. So I just asked them to go ahead. But who knows how am I feeling? No one.
Tomorrow suppose to be a great day. Finally gathering with him. And now? No, no more. Coz? He have to pei gf. The other day when he told me should be able to meet,he had no gf back then. Haiz. I told him how I feel. I take him as a good friend. And thats what he told me in the past. He isnt the him when I just got to know him. He care for me as a friend. I like him. As a friend. On the other side, about me liking him, I can understand that he has no feelings for me. But I still want my friend. Ever since he had gf, he neglected me. And his own friends which I know too. We are like hi-by friends. I dun want. I want to share things with him, go out play together. I dun want things to be always on the surface only. Asking about how each other is doing lately whenever we finally get to meet. And the meet is always so short that we practically dun get to spend some time together. To maintain this friendship, to enjoy the companionship. I am so disappointed and upset. I know gf is more impt to him than anyone else. I really hope he has no gf. Really. He says that his schedule is so packed he wun be able to satisfy both sides. So he had to give in to the one which is more impt in his heart. I understand his busy schedule. I'm willing to compromise by meeting at places convenient for him. I go kbox just to see him smile at me. My friend..
I dun need to like a person to miss this person. I do miss my friends too. I know I dun look emotional on e outside. I know at times I look arrogant fierce and hard hearted on e outside. Haiz. I want to be close friends with all my friends. But hardly there will be someone who cares for me. Of coz there's a few. The rest? Friends always hope I'll be understanding that they are busy with their schedules and such. But how about me? I'm not trying to be the saint here.
The other day I quarrelled with my sister. Both of us were at fault. Throughout the years, I learn alot from friends.. especially gor. I change alot. But sis was saying my attitude never change. A friend said before that I am defensive of myself most of the time. So when sis said that, I gave it some thought. I'm a person who can accept such remarks from people. Coz I want to learn to be a better person. But I just feel so bothered and upset about it ever since that day. I guess I couldnt accept it? I admit my temper is still bad at times. With my friends it's ok. But with family my temper isnt this good. Coz we've been staying together for 20yrs and yet I've been getting the same thing from e same person? We agreed that we only can compromise. It's impossible to change one personality. My response is always like that when she give me this specific prob. It has been so many years. She dislike my temper yet she's the one who makes me lose my temper to her. But well no point in explaining so much. Compromise is the final thing. I know myself well. Not being over confident. Coz I always think back about the things I do..
So there goes my weekend. Dun even get to go to the beach. Anyway I'm so tired le. But it'll be nice to look at the dark sea, gaze at e stars, give some deep thoughts, take a deep breath and relax.. Feel like going out tomorrow. Taking leave on mon to go hospital follow up with sis. What a boring weekend. =( Tomorrow nite.. Who can pei wo go beach.. Zzz how nice if I have friends who drive. I can enjoy myself at the beach.
Forgot to buy the papers today. Argh sat papers has the most job openings. Most probably I'll be confirmed by the company. No choice but to stay there first for the income. That fake old woman doesnt like me anyway. Huh! Come lor tok to me. Dun tok behind my back.
Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Hmm.. At least now I am done cleaning the stuffs, I can plan my sunday. I gona sleep le.. Very tired... I miss him.. Dun go~~~~
Today was a busy day. Went to work till 1pm as usual, had some shopping on the way to mrt home. Got myself a 3/4 sleeves top. Love it~ =) Reached home at 4pm, rot around.. Started only at 6pm. I planned to clean up my room and my darling cages. Finally at 8pm I got my room done. Sat down enjoy dinner and some cartoons, =) 10pm started cleaning darling cages. Finished everything at 1am. So here i am. Bro say wana take me to the beach. I was happy to hear dat. So sweet of him. Coz I told him I wana go to e beach e other time. End up, he came to my house at 12+ with my sis and bf. And say they heading for ecp soon. To watch world cup. ~~~~~~ Previously I thought that's so kind and sweet of him to bring me there. =( They go watch world cup what for I go. I wana go to the beach. I dun watch world cup. There's no one to tok to me. I dun feel like going anymore. And I was still cleaning my darling cages when they wanted to leave. So I just asked them to go ahead. But who knows how am I feeling? No one.
Tomorrow suppose to be a great day. Finally gathering with him. And now? No, no more. Coz? He have to pei gf. The other day when he told me should be able to meet,he had no gf back then. Haiz. I told him how I feel. I take him as a good friend. And thats what he told me in the past. He isnt the him when I just got to know him. He care for me as a friend. I like him. As a friend. On the other side, about me liking him, I can understand that he has no feelings for me. But I still want my friend. Ever since he had gf, he neglected me. And his own friends which I know too. We are like hi-by friends. I dun want. I want to share things with him, go out play together. I dun want things to be always on the surface only. Asking about how each other is doing lately whenever we finally get to meet. And the meet is always so short that we practically dun get to spend some time together. To maintain this friendship, to enjoy the companionship. I am so disappointed and upset. I know gf is more impt to him than anyone else. I really hope he has no gf. Really. He says that his schedule is so packed he wun be able to satisfy both sides. So he had to give in to the one which is more impt in his heart. I understand his busy schedule. I'm willing to compromise by meeting at places convenient for him. I go kbox just to see him smile at me. My friend..
I dun need to like a person to miss this person. I do miss my friends too. I know I dun look emotional on e outside. I know at times I look arrogant fierce and hard hearted on e outside. Haiz. I want to be close friends with all my friends. But hardly there will be someone who cares for me. Of coz there's a few. The rest? Friends always hope I'll be understanding that they are busy with their schedules and such. But how about me? I'm not trying to be the saint here.
The other day I quarrelled with my sister. Both of us were at fault. Throughout the years, I learn alot from friends.. especially gor. I change alot. But sis was saying my attitude never change. A friend said before that I am defensive of myself most of the time. So when sis said that, I gave it some thought. I'm a person who can accept such remarks from people. Coz I want to learn to be a better person. But I just feel so bothered and upset about it ever since that day. I guess I couldnt accept it? I admit my temper is still bad at times. With my friends it's ok. But with family my temper isnt this good. Coz we've been staying together for 20yrs and yet I've been getting the same thing from e same person? We agreed that we only can compromise. It's impossible to change one personality. My response is always like that when she give me this specific prob. It has been so many years. She dislike my temper yet she's the one who makes me lose my temper to her. But well no point in explaining so much. Compromise is the final thing. I know myself well. Not being over confident. Coz I always think back about the things I do..
So there goes my weekend. Dun even get to go to the beach. Anyway I'm so tired le. But it'll be nice to look at the dark sea, gaze at e stars, give some deep thoughts, take a deep breath and relax.. Feel like going out tomorrow. Taking leave on mon to go hospital follow up with sis. What a boring weekend. =( Tomorrow nite.. Who can pei wo go beach.. Zzz how nice if I have friends who drive. I can enjoy myself at the beach.
Forgot to buy the papers today. Argh sat papers has the most job openings. Most probably I'll be confirmed by the company. No choice but to stay there first for the income. That fake old woman doesnt like me anyway. Huh! Come lor tok to me. Dun tok behind my back.
Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Hmm.. At least now I am done cleaning the stuffs, I can plan my sunday. I gona sleep le.. Very tired... I miss him.. Dun go~~~~
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